Since I started writing, everything has been about other people: about my mom, my dad, about me indirectly, but I haven't talked about my wife, that's why I decided to write our story, how we met, our courtship, finally marriage, children. Our story is simple and common like anyone else's, without drama or anything like that, different from the rest of Peruvians, but very common among the Nikkei.
For many years we have been carrying many prejudices, it is most likely that our grandparents always had the idea of returning to their country, they always wanted their descendants to marry those of their own race, there was a lot of discrimination, the people who suffered a lot suffered They married “non-Nikkei”, there was talk of the “ainoko”, the children of miscegenation, a widely used term, which over time we learned is a very derogatory word. This same way of thinking was heard in many Nikkei homes, some even married their countrymen from the same place where their ancestors came from, many married to distant relatives. That is why the activities of the sonjin were greatly encouraged, so that their members here can marry among countrymen and preserve the race.
At home, my mother always said that everyone should choose their partner, of whatever origin, according to their feelings, but what she said was that one should think about it very well, because being two completely opposite cultures, their customs are different, even the values, coexistence was going to be very difficult, in addition to the relationship with the new family. Deep down, I'm sure she wanted it to be with Nikkei, but she also knew that if she prohibited it, one always wants the forbidden.
The background was that the old marriages, most of them were agreed upon by the elders, even with my mother, although it is true that she was not so strict in that way, they presented them. If they saw that there was compatibility, they got married, they could choose, always with the supervision of their elders. But my mother wanted the best for her children, for them to freely choose their future partner. I heard him admit on several occasions that sometimes being a Nikkei did not guarantee anything because, as in everything, there are all kinds of people and many times a perujin was much better than a nihonjin. In the end I think and laugh, I think I thought that with anyone, since I was already taking a while to look for a partner, as long as I get married and give him grandchildren.
My wife's name is Jenny, I met her at university, although I had already seen her. I remember the first time I saw her, I was waiting outside a classroom, for the shift change, I saw a short and thin girl, with big eyes for a Nikkei, short hair, and a cute smile that she even made with her eyes. She was from the same Engineering faculty, she in Industrial, I in Electronics. She told me how to approach her? I saw her sometimes, but how to know her. Until it happened. They told me to go on a trip from the CNES (Nikkei Center for Higher Studies) to the Lachay National Reserve (in the district of Huacho, province of Huaura, in the coastal department of Lima), a place on the outskirts of the city. A friend of my sister encouraged us to go, we met near my house at our friend's cousin's house, several people were waiting there, until I saw her arrive, that's how I met her.
Life takes many turns, we both studied at the same university, sometimes we coincided, she lived in the Hacienda San Agustín, belonging to Callao, it was agricultural land, her parents were dedicated to agriculture, like several of her brothers, she lived very far from where she studied, that was very difficult for her, the last of ten siblings and the only woman. There was also another prejudice at that time, many parents had the mentality that business was the best and that the university was not going to serve us in practice, corroborated by the situation of the country itself, the economic crisis, little investment from companies and a national industry highly protected by the State, making it inefficient.
Many professionals who left universities, but could not find work, in the end dedicated themselves to other jobs, many of them driving taxis to survive. Jenny was able to convince her parents to study, perhaps it favored her to be the last, although it did not favor her to be a woman, there was also that prejudice, in addition to the fact that several of her brothers were also studying, but in the end they abandoned their studies due to some problems, like the economic one.
Our meetings were at the university, at a party organized at the AELU (La Unión Stadium Association) or perhaps at the AFO (Okinawense Fraternal Association), the Carnivals, the New Year's parties, but little by little we no longer coincided, except at the university, the different schedules. Each one followed a different path, I finished university and had to go directly to the store, my sister went to Nihon to work, my parents were no longer going to be able to run the store, my dad felt more and more insecure. I had many arguments with him, about anything, sometimes about me, sometimes about him. I had a conversation with my dad about the fate of the store and what he thought, given my older sister's desire to go find a better destiny like dekasegui.
I assured him that I would take care of everything and not to worry, that I would always see them both. From that day on our differences began to diminish. I think that despite all the bad economic situation there was, he felt calmer. He believed that I was also going to go to Japan and apparently that scared him. When they asked me if I was going to Nihon, I always said not for now, until I hold out, I didn't like to say: "I'm never going to go to Nihon", because everyone I heard say "never" is there, plus I I had to keep a promise.
Meanwhile Jenny also had the dilemma of leaving university and going to Japan. All the young people were leaving, there were few young people left at the Hacienda, but she was drawn to seeing her parents, her father was isei, in the past he had had a stroke and was paralyzed half of his body, they bought him a car so that It will be easier for her to go to university and she can take her father to the doctor and his therapies, as well as her mother.
We both continue our lives separately, but carrying the same prejudice. It was very difficult for many Nikkei for that reason to find a partner, they had to be Nikkei, many went to Nihon in search of a better life, perhaps love too, and for those of us who stayed it became more complicated, I remember the phrase very well. : “the last one to leave, let him turn off the light”, alluding to the few Nikkei that were left. Each one of them met other people, searching, waiting for the right person.
I had a friend in college, who actually became my best friend, to this day, he has been there for all the most important moments in my life, good and especially bad. When you find a real one, he understands many things without you telling him, he knew Jenny, years before he had met my friend's sister at a pre-university academy, and then met her at the university.
Coincidentally, she studied with Jenny, so finally years later they did everything for us to match, they gave a little help to destiny, we did the rest. We went out, within a month we were in love, within a year we got engaged, within the second year we were already married. Life takes many turns, for so many years to reach the same starting place, perhaps that was our destiny, already drawn. We were both well received in each other's family, I remember that I was driving the car and I told my mother about it, she was happy, the first thing she asked me was about her last name, Nakasone, she was Nikkei, I think she breathed a sigh of relief, she I took it upon myself to tell my dad, and the news was received very well by my future in-laws, with the same relief.
We had countless outings, actually more to eat, I'm sure that's what I like the most, she always talked more than me, I listened to her, we met friends from both sides, although mine were very few, I have always considered myself a very lonely We got engaged, at a meeting where both families met, my father had to speak to ask for her hand, everything in a traditional way, he was nervous, in the end I don't even know what he said; We left them, they didn't need us so they could relate, there are always many things in common between Nikkei families, especially when my father knew my mother-in-law since they lived in Hacienda Jesús del Valle, Huaral, province of Lima, they were neighbors on the farm, but they met after many years.
Jenny was the last of ten siblings and the only woman, it was a little difficult for everyone to like me, in addition to getting to know each one of them and their respective family, at first it was difficult for me to remember each one, this multiplied over time. To interact with the people of the hacienda, everyone there was like a family, there were several activities in common, such as “Family Day”, which was actually the celebration of Mother's and Father's Day in one. There was a complete show with dances, songs, Peruvian and Japanese folklore.
Jenny participated in a dance group on the hacienda called the Nikkei Folkloric Association (AFONI), whose director was Luis Terao, who was a folklore teacher, like his brothers, but Luis came to the hacienda. His wife Mita Nakamoto was also from San Agustín, in this way several of us were adopted as San Augustinians at heart, different generations have passed through the AFONI, until little by little it was diluted, there were fewer and fewer members, they followed their future in Japan as dekasegui.
We got married and were welcomed by my in-laws into their house, which was going to be temporary, lasted for many more years, until the end, and Jenny also had to look after her parents. I came from a family of five people, relatively small, I was going to live with a much larger family, in addition to the neighbors who were like a family. I thought it was very fun, I had several nephews, who over time have been like my children too, there were many people to talk to, you never got bored, there was always something to listen to or tell. We lived in the same house with my in-laws and two of my brothers-in-law with their respective families, but finally one of them went to Japan with his entire family, my other brothers-in-law lived in other places.
We had our first daughter, Mayumi, she joined my other nephews, when there are many children at home, it is a total joy, but also quite noisy, when everyone got together, it seemed like a school. During all these years we experienced many good things and others not very good, we always received the support of my in-laws and the entire family in general. My mother-in-law, Haruko, was a very loved person on the farm and also well known outside of it, she expressed her affection to others with food, every time someone came, they were received like a king, she went out of her way to serve to everyone who came home, I think it was something very common in the Nikkei obá.
He prepared tempura from anything he could think of, banana, any vegetable, even goya, at that time he was not used to it, because of its bitterness; I learned that the best sashimi was maguro, but if there was none, the best was bonito, a fish that in the past was not widely used because it was a dark and cheap fish, but very good, now we know that it is very nutritious because of the omegas it has. . My father-in-law's name was Saburo, actually Sanra, they say he has the same way of writing. He came from Japan, but due to farm and property issues, he became a Peruvian national. The bad thing was that when they registered it they read Sanra and they called it Saura, imagine when they sent the school communications, they called it Mrs. Saura, all a product of the laziness of those who registered at that time, especially because many times they did not know the language well.
But life is not eternal, my mother-in-law passed away from one moment to the next, leaving us with immense sadness, I felt that way, since I met her she welcomed me so well that she always made me proud, as she knew how to do, with food; He cared about me, but he didn't say it to me but to Jenny. He told me all the cigarettes that were in the ashtray. Every night I told my wife how much I smoked, that I was probably worried, that I was going to hurt myself. I had lived with my mother-in-law for only six years, but I felt her death so much, she left so suddenly that you can't even imagine it, many were surprised that it happened like this.
My mother-in-law always told us that we should have another child, that one was none, we always postponed it due to economic reasons. Because of her we decided to have one more child, it took us eight years to have another child, we decided to face everything, surely it would be enough for one more, so Akio came. They say he is identical to me, he brought a lot of happiness to my father-in-law, but much more to my parents, came the man who would continue with the last name Oshiro. But that happiness was obscured by the insecurity and robberies in the area. At that time they began to attack the houses on the farm, all the houses are far from each other, it is agricultural land and at night everything is very dark, no matter how much you scream in the middle of the night, no one will hear you.
So it was that one night I was returning from work, I entered the house through the gate with my car and once inside, because they were waiting for me to arrive, between six to eight people came in, attacked us, stayed for two hours, some with their faces covered and Others didn't, they walked around the house, all armed, they gathered us in a hallway, except for my father-in-law, who couldn't move around due to his illness, so they kept him apart, as well as my son Akio, who was only months old. He was in his crib sleeping, despite all the noise, because they even turned the mattresses over. My son did not get up at any time, thank God.
They asked us to give them everything we have and to collaborate because they could harm the children and the elderly. They took money and many things, our wedding rings, they practically took almost all my clothes, even my shoes and sneakers, I remember that the next day I had to buy a pair of sneakers, because they had only left me some old ones that were there. I think it was a trauma for everyone, until many years later that memory is very difficult to assimilate, I think it was worse for my father-in-law Saburo, who died months later due to a heart problem, but after the assault, he was certainly not the same.
They were difficult times, which came one after another, the following year my father died, many financial problems, we had to adjust more and more, I don't know how Jenny, a husband who practically worked every day, has been able to endure all these years, that the children complained to him because he missed all the performances at school, the parent meetings, accompanying them to their activities, seeing them early in the morning to take them to school and at night finding them already asleep, that to see them a He only took them to the store on Saturdays and Sundays, to be together a little longer.
My wife and I have a very good relationship, but it's because of her, honestly. With her I learned many things, especially shaping my personality and trying to reach maturity. I think that when you find your partner, you should not try to make them change, it is up to each person to change what they believe is wrong, it is to realize it and do it yourself. We are a couple that has a lot in common, but at the same time many different things, it came from being a very quiet person, from keeping everything to ourselves, absolutely everything, filling and filling that backpack that we carry, accumulating sorrows, disagreements, disappointments about ourselves and about the others.
The way people see me, they think I'm very serious, quite the opposite with her, who always has a smile for everyone. It's coming home every day greeted by a smile from Jenny, despite all the problems there may be and her own at home, but it has always been like that, try to make it that way. With her I learned that to fight or argue, there must be at least two people, I was very reactive or phosphoric as you could say, so I get upset very quickly, she always takes a step back, she prefers that I scream and all my reaction, and then tell me what is wrong or the reasons.
I know that her character is like that, that she reproaches herself because sometimes they take advantage of her, but I realize that by shouting alone like a fool I achieve nothing, then I think that it was wrong, of course, it is in both of them to change on their own. decision, not trying to make the couple the way you want it to be, we cannot change by force. I think that love is everything we have been through, sharing a plate of chaufa rice (Chinese fried rice) in a popular restaurant, like we did when there was no money, but it was the fact of being together, just the two of us, telling us everything that happened to us, isolating us from everyone, from the children, from my in-laws, from the whole family; give us a space for ourselves or go to a very expensive restaurant when we could.
Over the years I have changed a little, with all the blows, falls, disappointments, I try not to take everything so seriously, I don't know how my wife supports me, I take many things as a joke, even my children sometimes say I look like a little guy. Jenny humors me and my daughter says: we are a dysfunctional family, jokingly, because the children are more serious than the parents; but sometimes I still react without thinking, how I would like to be proactive, but it seems like that is a very unrealistic state.
We have postponed many things, she never complains, perhaps that is why I abuse, for my in-laws, for my father when he got sick, for the children, always for the others, even for my mother, who took care of her until the end, without ever saying nothing, without complaining, without complaining, following her diet every day, worrying that my mother does not feel bad by eating differently than others, depriving herself of many things for her: outings, entertainment, trips, because she is like that, she thinks about others before her. Just a couple of years ago we were able to take a trip, since we got married we had not traveled, it was our second honeymoon, for 21 years of marriage, but we still took our children.
I thank her for everything, for being who she is, now we look forward to our children being better than us and not making the same mistakes as our parents and grandparents, although we know that they have to make their own mistakes to can learn. We want them to find love with whoever they choose, whether they are Nikkei or not, we cannot influence them, and times change, but they should not forget their Nikkei roots, and they should always feel proud to be so.
© 2018 Roberto Teruya Oshiro
