The Musician Intern: Kacie Yoshida vs. Dianne Dylan

By Kacie Yoshida

15 Jul 2009

When I noticed the cold floors, blinding lights, restless crowds, and glaring eyes, anxiety came over me in my debut as a performing musician.  As I stood behind the sole microphone stand at center stage, I could feel the slightest movement amongst the crowd, from a child squirming in his chair, or a man coughing down the aisle.  With each movement, I lost a bit of confidence, and my apprehension elevated.  However, as I began to strum my acoustic guitar and blow into my harmonica, the eeriness of the experience was suddenly lost.  As the crowd reacted enthusiastically, after 15 grueling minutes, my first open mike experience was a success!  Within days, I began a struggle for acceptance as a “half-Japanese, half-Caucasian” (“happa”) musician within a culturally exclusive atmosphere, normally uninviting to Asian Americans. 

As I took the stage nearly every night, lingering thoughts about my cultural identity and racial heritage were never publicly revealed.  To avoid misconception about who I was, or who I was becoming, I developed a split identity.  To new musician friends, I was Kacie Yoshida; onstage, I became Dianne Dylan – “Dianne” from my own middle name, while “Dylan”, adopted from the father of modern folk music, Bob Dylan.  Dianne Dylan was everything I wanted to be: outgoing, strong-willed, courageous, and most important, non-ethnic.  Dianne dressed edgier, disguised her education, was outspoken, and replaced her true Japanese American cultural identity with acceptance within the indie-folk sub-culture.

Dianne Dylan paved my way into the local music circuit.  Kacie Yoshida was known by friends as a 20-year-old half-Japanese American girl; however, my audience viewed me as white, 21-year-old female musician.  I was a poser within the community of local indie-folk musicians, leading others to believe I was “one of them” – a Caucasian college student who despised education, and organized government, while pretending to be misunderstood by society.  However, at school, I was the stereotypical Japanese American student with a high GPA and good study habits.  In reality, away from the stage and the music scene, I was a conformist who desperately wanted a college education and degree.

I recently became a Nikkei Community Intern at the Japanese American National Museum, to reconnect to my cultural identity and heritage.  Working within the Nikkei community, I have rediscovered an appreciation for the Japanese American culture, and realized the meaning of a true community.  As the Issei and Nisei generations have proven over time, a community thrives on harsh realities and common struggles, and is not based on false impressions in life.  A community is not a group of musicians pretending to be discontent folk singers in a counterculture against America.  Rather, its true meaning is symbolized by the Japanese American communities who strive together and form life-long bonds, and are located across the country, in your hometowns.

Dianne Dylan was a phase, a figment of my wishful imagination, representing a misleading impression of life and identity.  Although I am grateful to Dianne Dylan for helping me get my foot in the indie-folk musician world, she is a misrepresentation of my own reality.  I am a 20-year-old, half-Japanese, half-Caucasian female, who performs and plays music every night, not a 21-year-old white musician who despises reality.  Through the Nikkei Community Internship, I have grown and matured as an individual, and I have embraced the support, love, and respect within Japanese American community.  I will always be a musician, but when I perform on stage this Friday, I will introduce myself as Kacie Yoshida. If anyone has a problem with my last name, they can take a cultural identity hike!

© 2009 Kacie Yoshida

1 comments on this post

hungrykaterpillar at 9:08 a.m. on Wed 15 Jul 2009

kacie, i love your post! it's so well-written and insightful :)

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